Early Gays on TV

There's a brief comment on your right about the passing of "Golden Girls" Bea Arthur, and how an episode about Dorothy's Lebanese--I mean Lesbian--friend affected me. It's got me thinking about gays on TV when I was growing up. Like most gay men over 35, I loved Jack Tripper on "Three's Company." Although he only pretended to be gay, he didn't do it with a limp wrist or by pretending to like men, he was just a normal guy who let the landlord think he was gay, so he could live with women. It was Mr. Roper and Mr. Furley who provided the laughs at his expense. Then there was "Soap." I was 6 when that show started, and although I knew it was an insult to be called a "fag," I never equated Billy Crystal's character with that word. He was the most normal person on the show, after all. It was the same with Steven on "Dynasty," my memories of him were that he was the nicest person on a show full of underhanded people. I couldn't understand what Blake was so upset about. I watched these shows with my mother, who has never said an unkind word about anyone. As for the men in my family, who were a little paranoid about me not liking sports, I had nothing in common with them and didn't care too much what they thought. I'm not saying I didn't hide my homosexual tendencies during my teens and that it was easy to accept myself after, but I do credit these shows for helping me not to hate who I was or hate others who were like me. I grew up respecting gay people, yet thinking I could choose not to act on my "sexual" feelings and would someday marry and raise a family, not because gay was bad but because I wanted a family and wanted to be like most other people. Thank you mom and TV for raising me to be tolerant of people's differences.

Violence in America

I was reading the other day about the guy who beat a transgender woman to death with a fire extinguisher. His lawyer argued "how can any of us know what we would do if we were put in a situation like his?" That will be my defense if I ever meet the lawyer and there is a fire extinguisher handy. That and I ate too much junk food. The latter was the defense of Dan White who shot Harvey Milk and the Mayor of San Fransisco. The good news is that unlike Dan, who was out in five years, the fire extinguisher guy got life plus three years with no parole. So, things are improving. I realize a lawyer has to be pretty creative to defend a murderer, but I can't stop thinking about the story. And what's with America and violence, anyway? We shoot up schools, churches and post offices more than any other country. Why do so many of us "snap?" I realize there are wars in other countries, but the people fighting them are trained to hate one another. This is different. My theory is that we are trained to believe we can achieve anything we want in life (a lie) and when we can't, we snap. But it's deeper than that. I believe that nature and nurture both play a part in everything. This country needs a good shrink. We need to stop teaching our children to be threatened by our differences and teach them that all opinions are equal. Yes, even bigots have a right to their opinions, as long as they don't pass laws to force their views on others. Free speech and all that. One problem with America is competition. Being payed for a job well done is one thing but when we're so competitive that we'll do or say anything to become wealthy, we go to far. When two political entities oppose each other, they will, again, do or say anything until we are terrified of opposing views. Then there's religion. America is one country where you are not forced to support a specific religion, but you are forced to support a religion. "In God We Trust," "One Nation Under God," etc. Need to stop drinking? Go to AA and find out how God can help. Need a psychiatrist. The first thing they tell you is to go to church. Religion does help the soul, but you have to want to find it. Ever tell someone you're gay and they start talking about how important religion is. How insulting. Loving a man does not make me Godless. Being told I was Godless made me Godless for 17 years. And then there's the whole macho thing. As if my wearing a dress somehow reflects upon the entire male gender. I've got news for men: most women are stronger than you. Maybe not physically, but they can handle childbirth and they don't as often snap and commit murder. And it takes more strength to talk about your feelings then to lash out violently because of them. I took a test that says I have a female brain. What a compliment.

The Times They Are A Changin'

I attended a drag show put on by the Gay Straight Alliance at my old University tonight. There were eight hundred people there and they had many professionals from around the state. Young gay people are much more visible and organized these days. Things have changed a lot in ten years. When I was in school in the early ninties we had a gay group too. About 15 people, all gay, several of whom were non-traditional students. In fact, the visible gay community at the time was so small that practically everyone had dated each other. When I attended the GSA two years ago, there were over 30 people there, all young students, and I assume, not all gay. But while gays have made great strides among young people, and I applaud them, I wouldn't trade my own experiences for anything. I guess it's like people who prefer the intamacy of small towns to big cities. It was nice being part of a small, tight knit group of outcasts. I sound like an elderly person who says that everything was better in the past, but the truth is that everyone thinks like that as they age. I'm only 37, but I constantly find myself in conversations with people about how much modern music, movies and television stink. Everyone likes the culture they grew up in best.